by Melissa Raffoni | 9:00 AM August 14, 2014
People have always commented on the fact that I am highly driven – a “Type A” to a T. I set personal goals, manage multiple projects at once, and run at the speed of light. Sometimes, I feel like I am already in 2015. But what comes with this high-performing personality is the tendency to – let’s just say it – piss people off or push them away.
In my day job helping CEOs build winning cultures, I have witnessed the effects, positive and negative, that Type-A traits have on others. And I’ve discerned three behavioral tendencies of Type-A high performers, which I refer to as the High D curse. They are the tendency to dominate, to bedemanding, and to be (or appear to be) distracted. While embracing the blessings of being Type-A, being aware of my own demon traits helps me keep them in check. Here are some tricks that have worked for me:
To stop dominating others, create — and stick to — a plan. We often dominate or micromanage when we’re not satisfied with the quality of work or the pace at which it’s done. Sometimes we are in a hurry and just don’t have the time or patience to listen and work through things with others. Maybe it’s just habit. But it becomes disruptive when we interrupt and tell people what to do.
To avoid this temptation, I spend time preparing structured meetings and agendas that are designed to be participative. In large meetings, this takes the form of pre-collected and compiled work, round-the-table questioning, or small break-out groups aimed at gathering feedback.
Most of our CEO clients support the idea of taking their leadership teams offsite for annual strategy or planning sessions. When I ask them if they would consider a facilitator, almost all of them say yes. Why? Because they recognize that their tendency in these meetings is to dominate the conversation – and that alignment, engagement, and motivation are not gained through directive communication. A well-planned, collaborative agenda will force that.
It may also help to practice getting comfortable with silence – outside of work as well as within. This will minimize your tendency to jump in and fix things, which will be better perceived by your colleagues and also provide them with the opportunity to get a word in.
To be less demanding, focus on empathy. Accept that you are of a special breed and that most individuals do not think or move at your pace. Practicing self-awareness will help you to be more empathetic and patient. As a leader, you do not want to set people up to fail. In a personal relationship, you do not want people to feel minimized. At work, the real challenge is putting people in the right roles with achievable expectations, so that they feel motivated and inclined to do their best work. If your people feel over-pressured or unsuccessful, you may be pushing without thinking twice about whether or not they’re in the right roles with the right goals. Rather than reacting or pointing blame, be empathetic and see if you need to be more accountable. If they are the wrong people, change them – don’t beat them up and get a negative result.
When I routinely ask our CEO clients what lessons they learned over a given year, almost all point to wrong people in the wrong roles and their inability to correct that fast enough. So, when you find yourself feeling overly demanding, put yourself in their shoes before pushing harder.
To avoid getting distracted, minimize interruptions. If others feel that you never listen or pay attention to them, it’s time to make some changes. A few small things can make a difference. Shut off your phone or email when interacting with others. Take time to be personal and courteous – say hello, say thank you, ask how the weekend was, etc. These small gestures show people that you care enough to take the extra time to connect.
If you are having trouble focusing, re-assess how you’re spending your time. Drop extra tasks that make you crazy or bored. While our knee-jerk reaction is to push through and do it all, at the end of the day, we will get better results by working in areas we enjoy and excel in.
These strategies take discipline and are not always possible, but mastering them will strengthen your working relationships — and the work itself.
All this said, I’m so grateful for the Type A’s in the world — but all of us in this club need to strive to be more self-aware and mindful. Whether at home or at work, we need to adjust if we want to have richer relationships and be better managers.
MELISSA RAFFONI
Melissa Raffoni is CEO of The Raffoni Group, a boutique professional services firm that helps CEOs realize their highest ambitions while improving the quality of their personal and professional lives. She is recognized for her thought leadership in the areas of CEO effectiveness, strategy, execution, leadership and organizational alignment.
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