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Saturday, October 11, 2014

To Negotiate Effectively, First Shake Hands

Negotiations − especially when they involve high stakes, complex issues, and multiple parties — require much thinking and preparation on each side of the bargaining table. Consider the recent negotiations over Iran’s nuclear program. Even before the contentious talks actually started, U.S. President Barack Obama and Iranian President Hassan Rouhani scheduled a meeting that took months to arrange. There was only one item on the agenda for the meeting: a handshake. At the last moment, however, Rouhani decided not to meet Obama, leading American pundits to call the incident the “historic non-handshake” that risked compromising the quality of the ensuing negotiations.
People make inferences about one another’s motives based on first impressions, which occur extremely quickly. We only need 100 milliseconds to form judgments of others on all sorts of dimensions, including likeability, trustworthiness, competence, and aggressiveness. Even more interesting, our first impressions of others are generally accurate and reliable. For instance, first impressions about a person’s competence have been shown to be good predictors of important outcomes such as who will win a political election.
Handshakes can create a positive first impression by conveying a sociable personality. In one study, a firm handshake was positively related to extraversion and emotional expressiveness and negatively related to shyness and neuroticism. Another study found that people who follow common prescriptions for shaking hands, such as using a firm grip and looking the other person in the eye, also receive higher ratings of employment suitability in job interviews. Witnessing people shaking hands in a business setting not only leads third-party observers to more positively evaluate the relationship, but it even increases activation in the nucleus accumbens in the observers’ brains — the area associated with reward sensitivity. That is, we feel rewarded simply by watching othersshake hands!
In the context of a negotiation, a handshake’s message can go even further, my research finds. Consider that we all rely on subtle sources of information to determine whether to behave in cooperative or antagonistic ways during our negotiations. One such source of information is nonverbal behavior, including handshakes. Across many cultures, shaking hands at the beginning and end of a negotiating session conveys a willingness to cooperate and reach a deal that considers the interests of the parties at the table. By paying attention to this behavior, negotiators can communicate their motives and intentions, and better understand how the other side is approaching discussions.
In one study, colleagues at Harvard’s and the University of Chicago’s business schools and I asked pairs of executives to negotiate as the buyer and seller in a hypothetical real estate deal. The executives had to negotiate over one issue only: the price of the land. In the simulation, the seller believed that the property under consideration was zoned for residential use only, but the buyer knew that the zoning laws would change soon, allowing the buyer to develop the land for commercial use and thereby making it much more valuable. Clearly, the buyer had little interest in sharing this information with the seller. In fact, when asked by sellers whether they intended to use the land for commercial development, many buyers lied or dodged the question altogether.
We instructed half of the pairs to shake hands before negotiating. We did not give specific instructions to the other half about handshaking, our control condition. Most of them just jumped into the negotiation without shaking hands first, presumably because they were under time pressure. Pairs who had been asked to shake hands divided up the pie more evenly than did those in the control condition. In addition, buyers in the pairs who had been asked to shake hands were less misleading about the zoning change than were buyers in the control condition.
In follow-up studies, we tested whether these results held for integrative negotiations — those where parties could discuss multiple issues and potentially create value. In one experiment, for instance, we randomly assigned undergraduate students to the role of “hiring boss” or “job candidate” and gave them time to prepare individually for the negotiation to determine the latter’s salary, start date, and office location. The students in the role of job candidates knew they had the job if they wanted it, but they needed to negotiate the details with the hiring boss. Both parties were instructed to prefer the same location and have opposing starting positions on salary and start date. Because the candidate cared more about salary and the boss cared more about start date, the solution that maximized the joint outcomes was to allow the candidate the highest salary and the boss the earliest start date. We told the pairs that the participant who received the better score in the negotiation would earn a financial bonus (for real!).
Half of the pairs were accompanied to the table where they would negotiate and told, “It is customary for people to shake hands prior to starting a negotiation.” The other half of the pairs was seated immediately and thus had no opportunity to shake hands. Pairs then negotiated for no more than 10 minutes. Two research assistants who were blind to the hypotheses of the study coded videotapes of the negotiations on a variety of criteria, including our main measure of interest: the parties’ openness in discussing their individual priorities throughout the negotiation. The result: Shaking hands induced greater openness about negotiators’ preferences on contentious issues and improved joint outcomes.
When I was little, I often got into conflicts with my brother and sister over toys or books. As in many other families across the globe, my parents used to tell us to “shake hands and make up.” Their words conveyed the belief that the simple gesture would induce cooperation and goodwill. As my research and others’ shows, the simple act of shaking hands is indeed a powerful gesture in negotiation.

Don’t Play with Dead Snakes, and Other Management Advice


“If you see a snake, kill it. Don’t play with dead snakes. And everything looks like a snake at first.” This sounds like it might be advice from a paranoid outdoorsman. But its author, Jim Barksdale, meant it as a guide to the business world  that dangerous environment where, famously, only the paranoid survive.
During a long and illustrious career that is far from over (you can read all about one of his most recent ventures — building the most direct fiber-optic connection between Chicago and New York – in Chapter One of Michael Lewis’s new book), Barksdale has become a big believer in the value of the folksy aphorism as management tool. The Mississippi-born former IBM salesman, FedEx COO, and CEO of AT&T Wireless and Netscape Communications argues that funny sayings, especially if they involve animals, stick with people in a way that PowerPoint strategy slides usually don’t.
There are whole collections of Barksdale sayings online. Lots of them aren’t original to him, but former colleagues still tend to identify them with him. Which is why, when I got Barksdale and his fellow former Netscaper Mark Andreessen on the phone recently to talk about Barksdale’s pithy take on the role of bundling and unbundling in business strategy, conversation inevitably turned to some of his other proverbs. What follows is the continuation of that discussion, edited for readability and length:
HBR: Marc, are there any other Barksdale sayings you can think of with key strategic implications for today’s business leaders?
Andreessen: Well, how about this one? “In the battle between the bear and the alligator, what determines the victor is the terrain.”
Barksdale: I heard that from somebody, somewhere, way in my past life, and used it repeatedly in trying to push people to figure out the right terrain to take on a competitor.
HBR: What do you mean by the terrain, then?
Barksdale:  Well, in the animal world, a bear is not going to whip an alligator in water. And an alligator isn’t going to whip a bear on dry land. So, it’s not just the fighter, it’s the terrain that they’re on, the market they’re in. You know, who’s your customer base that you want to take somebody on in? Where do you want to be in this strategy? I like animal analogies to get the point across, just like parables. People can remember that, they can’t remember some long strategic discussion with a lot of PowerPoint pictures.
HBR: Well, here’s another one. There are lots of these Barksdale sayings online; one can find them pretty quickly. This is Barksdale’s three rules of business. “One, if you see a snake, shoot it. Two, don’t play with dead snakes. And three, everything looks like a snake at first.” What does that mean?
Barksdale: Well, when we were first getting started at Netscape, and I was the old man working with Marc and all of his 18-year-old buddies, it seemed like they used to love to have get-together meetings to discuss problems that could have easily been resolved at the base level. They could have just taken care of it.
So, the first rule of snakes is, if you see a snake, which is a problem — I had to explain that to one lady who accused me of not liking snakes — you kill it. You don’t shoot it, by the way, you kill it. It’s hard to shoot a snake. Anyway, you kill it. Just take care of it.
The second rule is, once it’s taken care of, don’t keep having debates about it, which is don’t play with dead snakes. And one time, Marc may remember, I cut off the heads of a bunch of little rubber snakes and threw them out in the audience of Netscapers. They loved that and stuck them on their cubicle walls to remind them. Just keep moving forward. Even if you’re wrong, just keep moving. We were so anxious to get products out the door, and we were at lightning speed, thanks to Marc and his folks, we just wanted to keep moving. So, don’t play with dead snakes.
And the last point, which is to me the most important and salient: all opportunities start out looking like a snake. If it wasn’t a problem, there is no opportunity. Because opportunities come from solving problems. So, kill it, don’t play with it, and then they all look like snakes in the beginning. The great business successes have all come from solving some seemingly insurmountable problem. Or non-obvious problem.
HBR:  Any thoughts on that, Marc?
Andreessen:  Well, I’ll give you one more if you want it.
HBR:  Sure.
Andreessen:  It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
Barksdale:  That’s very old, and again, not original, but it was useful at some stage. I heard a great speech the other day, the commencement address by this admiral at the University of Texas. He talked about the boat men of the SEAL teams, and how it was not necessarily the biggest guys who could get the boat out and back as quick, but the smaller men who just had more heart.
Andreessen:  Well, if you’ve ever actually spent time in a dog park, you see this all the time, which is, the dominant dog is invariably about 15 pounds soaking wet.
HBR: I want to try one more that’s much more specific than these, about experimenting on the Internet. It goes: “First you try something. Since it’s just software, there’s no need to bend any sheet metal or trouble the guys on the loading docks. Second, you post it on the net. If it works, it’s a product. If it doesn’t, it’s market research.”
Barksdale:  It’s market research, that’s right.
HBR: That’s something that you encountered back at Netscape. It seems to have become very much the ethos of modern digital business, right?
Barksdale:  As an old-line business guy, the most profound thing that hit me when I got to Netscape was that it was so easy to do things on the Internet that were so hard in the hardcore world of transportation or communication.
One of which was market research. Companies used to spend a ton of money testing products with focus groups and market research teams. On the Internet, just put it up. If people hit on it, it’s a product. If they don’t, it’s market research. It didn’t cost you anything, or it didn’t cost you very much.
In other words, you were immediately international. As soon as we brought the Netscape browser up, the beta version, we were worldwide. That was so hard to do in the real world, nobody could even conceive of it. Companies would go 30 years before they’d try their first international businesses. We were immediately international. There were so many things that the Internet brought, and we, being one of the early companies, were able to observe it like it was some new law. It was profound, and it was fascinating, and it was a lot of fun. It also allowed us to move very quickly.
HBR: So, Marc, that ethos of, you just throw something out there and try it, that is sort of becoming this dominant ethos, right?
Andreessen:  This is a really big deal. The changes have continued. Once we were up and running as Netscape, we were able to do new things very fast. But it still took a lot of effort and a lot of money to get Netscape itself, as a company, up and running.
I would say the biggest change is, if you wanted to start a new Internet company 10 years ago, you probably needed to raise $20 million, just to get started. You would spend $5 million on Cisco routers and $5 million on Sun Servers, and $5 million on Oracle software, and then you’d write Yahoo a $5 million check to get distribution. And then you could try all your new ideas.
Today it’s advanced to the point where entire companies can get up and running — to provide global services, in some cases to millions or tens of millions of people — for less than a million dollars. It’s become routine, to a shocking degree. A lot of the Internet startups that we see coming through here raising money are startups that raised a half million dollars, that still have most of it in the bank. It’s four kids and their laptops, and the entire company is run on the cloud, on Amazon Web Services, on Salesforce.com, NetSuite, and Gmail. These companies have effectively no capex. It’s literally their laptops and their ramen noodles, and that’s it. And they walk in the door, and sometimes they have five million users in 170 countries. And that’s just a phenomenon that’s never existed before.
HBR: Do you think it’s a potentially temporary phenomenon? Like, it’s this moment when everything’s wide open? Or, do you think conditions are permanently changed?
Andreessen:  I think it’s permanent. I mean, I’m a believer. You’d have to believe the Internet itself fundamentally shuts down or gets much more restricted and controlled, you know, which is why battles around things like net neutrality are so heated. But, as long as the Internet keeps working the way that it fundamentally does, then this is a permanent state of affairs.
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80-justin-fox

Justin Fox is Executive Editor, New York, of the Harvard Business Review Group and author of The Myth of the Rational Market. Follow him on Twitter @foxjust.

Good Managers Look Beyond Their “Usual Suspects”




In the movie Casablanca, there’s a famous scene where Captain Renault, the head of the French police, avoids investigating the murder of a Nazi officer by telling his people to “round up the usual suspects.” The implication, of course, is that everyone should look busy and professional, even if the routine doesn’t really accomplish anything.
I’m always reminded of this line when I see managers respond to performance challenges by putting together a task force of the “usual suspects” to deal with the issue. These task force members usually end up with multiple specialty assignments piled on top of their regular duties. And because these few go-to people are spread so thin, they ultimately don’t accomplish all that much.
Managers sometimes “round up the usual suspects” because they only trust a small number of people to handle key projects or initiatives. Every organization has its “glue people,” the ones who don’t show up in organization charts but are assigned to every task force or initiative because they are respected and trusted. For example, in one organization undergoing a major restructuring, each division designated a “transformation leader” as its point person for the work. However, each person also had significant managerial responsibilities, regularly represented the company at customer and industry forums, served on standing committees, and juggled other major project assignments. So while they were all capable and willing to do what was needed, the effort suffered due to lack of time and bandwidth.
Here’s another case in point: A financial services company was struggling to turn around a large business unit. One of the key initiatives was a new customer-service approach that involved a combination of new systems, training, and process changes. However, after almost a year of work and significant investment, very little had changed. In fact, the effort had generated some fear and resistance in the customer care centers and, if anything, performance was now worse. In response to pressure from the CEO to get the turnaround back on track, the business head “rounded up the usual suspects” into a task force to recommend how to accelerate progress. Of course, the members of this team, while all very capable and well-meaning, were the same ones who were leading the various project work streams – and they all had full-time “day jobs.” So due to the limited time available, they merely rehashed their recommendations for the project, and progress continued at a snail’s pace.
If any of this sounds familiar, take a step back and think about how to expand your talent pool to get the actual results you want. Do a quick mapping of your committees, task forces, and other special assignment groups, to see if you have a “usual suspect” bottleneck. Although individual executives may engage in this dynamic intentionally (like Captain Renault), most do not; it just happens. By sketching out these responsibilities, and looking at them holistically, it’s possible to see whether the same names come up again and again. If that’s indeed the case, then consider lightening the load for some by prioritizing assignments, consolidating teams, and, most importantly, adding other people to the list. Are there other capable people who would welcome additional assignments? Perhaps some high potentials who are not being fully challenged? Is it possible to trust some other people outside of your “usual suspects” circle?
On the flip side, if you feel that you are one of the overburdened few who gets called on over and over, speak up. In my experience, many of the “usual suspects” suffer in silence. They are flattered by the attention and the opportunities, but they become overwhelmed by the amount of responsibility and frustrated by the lack of time to get everything done. And because they are good corporate citizens who don’t want to disappoint, they don’t push back, which reinforces the “usual suspect” scenario.
Most organizations have ambitious agendas that are limited by the availability of key people. There may indeed be times when calling upon a few trusted people is the right approach, but doing it too often can be severely constraining. That’s why thinking outside the roster of “usual suspects” can help you distribute responsibilities in a more even, efficient way.
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Ron Ashkenas HBR

Ron Ashkenas is a managing partner of Schaffer Consulting. He is a co-author of The GE Work-Out and The Boundaryless Organization. His latest book is Simply Effective.

What to Do When You Can’t Predict Your Talent Needs


Predictive analytics are often used in strategic workforce planning (SWP), to forecast and close the gap between the future talent you’ll have versus the future talent you’ll need. Now, powerful analytical tools are driving that organizational calculus. Those tools predict who will leave and when, where talent will be plentiful and scarce, and how talent will move between roles. But there’s a catch: Very precisely matching talent to “the future” is of little value if that future doesn’t happen. For example, it can take five years or more to develop today’s high potentials into leadership roles. Can you know today the five-year future for which you should prepare them?  Increasingly, you cannot. Yet, because HR strategy typically reacts to organization strategy, SWP often assumes a single future as its goal.
Does this mean predictive analytics don’t work for talent? No. Powerful analytics have value in preparing for a VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous) world, but optimizing your talent decisions will often mean balancing less predictive power applied to many futures, against more predictive power applied to one future. Options will often trump predictions.
Where’s the right balance? “Work diligently, but don’t fixate on one outcome.” In the yoga Sutras, this is Abhyasa (diligence) with Vairagya (non-attachment). It may be key to effective predictive analytics, especially for your talent.
It’s easy to think expertise can solve this problem through more accurate predictions, but Philip Tetlock’s book, “Expert Political Judgment”  reports results from over 20 years of evidence spanning over 80,000 expert predictions.  He found that “people who make prediction their business … are no better than the rest of us.”  In fact, the deeper the expertise, the more chance of missing something important. Tetlock found that “hedgehogs,” who know a lot about one big thing, predict less accurately than “foxes” who know less about any one thing, but a moderate amount about each of many things. Forbes said, “Experts who had one big idea they were certain would reveal what was to come were handily beaten by those who used diverse information and analytical models, were comfortable with complexity and uncertainty and kept their confidence in check.”
Do you approach strategy and talent like a hedgehog or a fox? With the power that predictive analytics bring, it’s even more important for you to answer that question — are you driving toward one deeply-analyzed future or keeping your confidence in check by preparing for many futures? A hedgehog would start with a confident position such as, “the middle class in emerging regions will be the main source of consumer growth over the next 20 years,” and deeply focus predictive analytics on how to meet that future. A fox would start with many positions (such as different likely regional growth predictions) and use predictive analytics to optimize a collection of tactics for different futures.
In finance, the “fox” strategy is similar to using real options, and it can help you make talent decisions just as it helps in your decisions about R&D, manufacturing and finance. Consider yourtalent resource like an investment portfolio. As with financial investments, you could “bet on the most likely future” (build talent to fit the one highest-probability scenario and win big if you’re right but lose big if you’re wrong), the typical approach noted above. Sometimes, organizations admit they can’t predict the future and “go generic” by building talent attributes like intelligence, engagement and learning agility that are generally useful in most future situations, but not a complete match for any one.
Or, you might “diversify” talent, building several different talent arrays, each one well-suited to a different future scenario, similar to holding diversified financial assets, each well-suited to a particular future.  Only a small portion of the portfolio will actually “fit” the eventual future, but skillful mixing in advance can optimize risk and return. Of course, people aren’t financial instruments. You can adjust a financial portfolio by selling assets, but removing or retraining talent requires careful consideration. Yet, in those arenas where VUCA-like uncertainty is pivotal to your strategic success, using predictive analytics to diversify your talent options may be wiser than using predictive analytics to bet big on one future.
A “hedgehog” approach to organization and talent strategy can be a trap, even when supported by powerful predictive analytics. Perhaps your strategists should be more like foxes, optimizing prediction and options, by knowing when analytics should predict many futures moderately, rather than one future perfectly.
80-John-Boudreau

John Boudreau is professor of management and research director at the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business and Center for Effective Organizations, and author of Beyond HR and Retooling HR.

What to Do When Anger Takes Hold


I had just sat down to look over my calendar and plan my day when the phone rang.
It was my contractor. Several of his workers were at my apartment ready to finish some work, but the building management company refused to let them in.
This news made me furious.
We have been renovating our small apartment, and it’s painfully over budget and six months overdue. During that time, the building management company’s mismanagement has cost me a tremendous amount of money and made an already difficult process even more agonizing. Now they were needlessly delaying the project again, this time over a senseless bureaucratic triviality.
My contractor told me he would keep the workers there for an hour, at which point he would need to send them elsewhere and we would lose another day of work. Too angry and agitated to stay still, I got up and began pacing around the room.
Over time, it will be useful to consider what I could have done to avoid this situation. What role did I play in the dysfunction of my relationship with the building manager?
But that’s not what I want to explore here because that’s not what I was facing in the moment. The real issue I had as I prepared to call the building manager was: What do I do with all my anger?
That’s an important question, and it’s one we face all the time.
Sure, I could analyze the situation rationally and identify the smartest next move that’s most likely to resolve the situation favorably. That’s textbook leadership, but it’s not always the reality of leadership. Coping with moments filled with emotion — anger, anxiety, longing, fear — are the reality of being a human being at work and in life. We do things we later regret, or don’t do things we wish we had, because our emotions take hold.
To succeed in life and in leadership, we need to act powerfully in the context of strong emotions and still have the impact we intend.
But that’s hard to achieve. Here’s what we usually do with strong emotions: repress them or submit to them. Both come with substantial costs.
When we repress our fear or frustration or longing, the feelings get stuck somewhere in our bodies. Then, at some unexpected time with some unsuspecting person, they come out messy and misdirected. We’re left not knowing why we’re so angry, while the other person is left feeling alienated and untrusting. And that’s the best case scenario. The worst case is that the feeling never leaves us and wreaks havoc; we get either physically ill or mentally burned out.
When we submit to our emotions, on the other hand, we obey them without questioning. If we’re angry, we lash out without control. If we’re afraid, we become paralyzed, we run, or we fight. In fact, it’s hard to predict what we’re going to do because we’re not the ones choosing; our feelings decide our next move for us and the outcome is rarely what we intend.
But there’s a third option that doesn’t involve repression or submission and it’s a two-step process:
  1. Feel the emotion fully,
  2. Then make a strategic choice about what to do.
This might seem simple but it’s by far the hardest option to take. It requires skill and practice. But it’s worth it; it has a huge return on investment.
I have found that one of the best ways to practice this is through meditation. Simply sit for five or 10 minutes a day, feel whatever comes up, and don’t do anything about it. Notice what anger feels like. Notice what frustration feels like. And loneliness and desire. Notice where you feel it in your body. Notice its texture, how it moves, where it leads.
Here’s the important part: don’t get up and do anything about it. In meditation there’s nothing to do. Just sit, experience, and don’t act. That’s what makes it so powerful.
What you’ll find, after honing this skill, is that you’ll make better business decisions, build better relationships, and spend your time more productively because your fleeting emotions won’t drive your actions. Your rational, strategic mind will.
When you’re skilled at this, you can feel strong emotions without reacting in a knee-jerk way. In fact, strong emotions will become a trigger for you to think strategically and intentionally about your next move. And that, it turns out, is the difference between having a strong emotion and being emotional.
Ultimately, this is one of the primary aspects of something I call emotional courage: the ability and willingness to tolerate strong feelings without being overwhelmed by them.
Thankfully, before I received the call from my contractor that morning, just before I sat down to look at my calendar, I had meditated for 10 minutes. The feeling of feeling — and my independence from it — was fresh in my body.
So, when I hung up with my contractor, and before I dialed the management company, I paused to take a deep breath. I felt my anger fully; I felt my heart beating and my adrenaline flowing.
I continued to breathe and, underneath my anger, I felt my fear. I felt powerlessness and how much I hate feeling powerless. And I felt my anxiety about how much money I had been spending. I also felt my deep loathing for bureaucracy. That’s one of the interesting — and sometimes scary things— about feeling: you never know where it will take you.
Still, feeling all those feelings only took a few short seconds.
And here’s something important: I was no less angry after I was done. My goal was not to diminish my feeling or diffuse it to make myself feel better. My goal was to feel it so that it wouldn’t control my next move.
After feeling my anger, I made a strategic and intentional decision that I felt would be most useful in the situation: I would express my anger fully, but respectfully.
Then I picked up the phone and dialed the building manager. As the phone was ringing, I wrote two things on a piece of paper in front of me: “No threats” and “No cursing.”
When I got the building manager on the phone, I let my anger rip. I told him exactly what he was doing to undermine me and the project. I raised my voice and, I have to admit, it felt great. But I didn’t curse and I didn’t threaten. I maintained control.
And because I was in control, I was articulate and I could pause for his response, two things that would not have happened if I were caught in the throes of my own anger. I was also able to consider his response and choose to soften when he admitted his mistake and recognized how his mistake affected me.
We finished the call with his commitment to action, and he followed up with an email. As soon as we got off the phone, the workers were let into the apartment.
Most importantly, my relationship with the building manager was on the mend.
The truth is, though, I was still worked up. Despite the fact that I succeeded in achieving the outcome I wanted, my body still felt the energy of the interaction. If I let it seep into the rest of my day, I wouldn’t get anything done. I took a few quiet breaths and realized I needed more. So I took a 30-minute break and did a martial arts workout. And that made me feel better, energized and ready to work.
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80-peter-bregman

Peter Bregman helps CEOs and their leadership teams tackle their most important priorities together. His next Leadership Week is in October, 2014. His latest book is 18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done. To receive an email when he posts, click here.

Put Yourself in Your Colleague’s Shoes


I start my mornings with a run around Central Park in New York City. Over the last 18 months, it’s become more like dodging the cyclists as I make my way around the loop than going for a relaxing jog.  Cursing, flipping the bird – even a near miss – are regular occurrences as these two groups of athletes try to get their daily workout. I’ve even seen a cyclist spit on a runner.
How could so many cyclists be so angry? Wanting to understand, last Saturday I borrowed a friend’s bicycle, strapped on his cycling shoes, and clipped into the pedals. I entered the park on West 77th Street, where a steep ramp descends into the 6-mile loop. I quickly accelerated down it and had to merge onto a roadway packed with runners and pedestrians who weren’t paying attention to me. As my bicycle picked up speed and I tried to enter the loop, I realized I was in danger — and so were the runners in my path. That’s when I shouted, “HEADS UP!”
I had been bicycling in the park for only a matter of seconds and I was already yelling at runners and pedestrians.
My perspective shift was immediate. But I didn’t feel angry – I felt scared. Any unexpected move by a runner could mean a serious collision, both for me and for them.
This got me thinking: how common is it to really put ourselves in someone else’s shoes? For instance, earlier this year, a friend introduced me to a senior vice president at a Fortune 50 Company. In our introductory phone call I expected to discuss different productivity and labor models available for his large, multinational corporation. But after I asked some high-level questions and offered the important principles for how I organize roles and systems, this executive raised his voice, shouting, “That won’t work here! You don’t understand us!” and “It’s more complicated than that!” I quickly excused myself from the call, thanked him for his time, and suggested that maybe my area of expertise wasn’t helpful for him at this time. Privately, though, I was thinking, Great, another arrogant executive that you can’t tell anything that he doesn’t already know. What a jerk.
But now, in light of my recent Central Park epiphany, I have been rethinking how I perceived that call.  During our 25-minute conversation, I’m almost certain I did not say something to anger this man. And he is probably not a jerk; after all, we did get introduced through a mutual friend. What manifested as a demanding, short tempered, take-no-prisoners posture may have just been an executive under extraordinary pressure, working to protect himself or his team from something he feared — inadequacy, failure, embarrassment, or even just change.  Maybe if I’d done a better job of putting myself in his shoes, I would have been able to help.
How many conflicts at work result from simply being unable to see the issue from your counterpart’s perspective? I began to brainstorm a list of how coworkers might be better able to understand one another’s point of view:
  • Asking your boss if you can be a fly on the wall at one of the meetings her supervisor runs, so that you come away with a better idea of the pressures she and her peers face, and how you can help mitigate them.
  • Rotating responsibilities within your department, so that you create a shared understanding of what it takes to get stuff done, and increase visibility into the teammates’ competing objectives.
  • Accepting a role on a cross-enterprise or cross-functional task force – roles that are usually avoided at all costs – to get more exposure to what is going on elsewhere in the organization.
  • Taking an “externship” with a customer, working with their company for a defined period of time to really understand what it’s like to be a customer being serviced by your organization.
This list is far from exhaustive — and it’s worth emphasizing that what actually worked best for me had nothing to do with work. Building your empathy muscles in any capacity can improve your ability to see situations differently in unexpected ways, whether you’re in or out of the office. It doesn’t have to be some touchy feely training session. It can be as simple as changing some habits or reading a good novel. Or even taking a ride in the park.
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Jordan Cohen is a productivity expert and the recipient of the 2010 grand prize from the Management Innovation eXchange (MIX) for his previous work at Pfizer.

What Successful Work and Life Integration Looks Like




Too many people believe that to achieve great things we must make brutal sacrifices, that to succeed in work we must focus single-mindedly, at the expense of everything else in life. Even those who reject the idea of a zero-sum game fall prey to a kind of binary thinking revealed by the term we use to describe the ideal lifestyle: “work/life balance.” The idea that “work” competes with “life” ignores that “life” is actually the intersection and interaction of four major domains: work, home, community, and the private self.
From years of studying people in many different settings, I have found that the most successful people are those who can harness the passions and powers of the various parts of their lives, bringing them together to achieve what I call “four-way wins” — actions that result in life being better in all four domains. My research has shown that there are ways for everyone — from the managers of sales teams, to executives in government agencies, to computer engineers, to florists, to coaches — to achieve professional success without always having to sacrifice the things that matter in their personal lives.
And yet as someone known as “the work/life balance guy,” I get pushback just about everywhere I go, especially from high achievers. “Stew, it’s nice to try to balance it all,” they say to me, “but in the real world, c’mon: How can you have a substantial impact without making major sacrifices in your personal and family life?”
So in writing my new book, I set out to find well-known people who have practiced, wittingly or unwittingly, the skills for integrating work and the rest of life and who could not only show that it can be done, but help teach us all how to do it. In the end, I settled on six people. I’d argue that these six people are successful at their work not despite having full lives outside of it, but precisely becausethey do:
    • Tom Tierney is the cofounder of Bridgespan, the best-known advisory firm for nonprofits. Throughout his career, he has sought creative ways of fitting the different domains of his life together, including learning from his children about what really matters. He has built organizations that encourage personal growth by rewarding results — not “face time” — and by motivating people with a vision of contributing to a greater good.
    • As COO of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg has been redefining what it means to be a leader. Her candor about the challenges she faces in resolving conflicts among different parts of her life — as an executive, a catalyst for social change, a friend, a wife, a sister, and a mother — and about the non-traditional means she employs for doing so, has made her a persuasive role model and an outspoken voice on women and leadership.
    • Eric Greitens, humanitarian, author, and non-profit founder, attended Oxford as a Rhodes Scholar and completed his doctorate before becoming a Navy SEAL. For his service in Iraq he was awarded a Purple Heart and went on — after a difficult search for a meaningful next step to take in his life — to found The Mission Continues, an organization that helps heal wounded war veterans by guiding them to be of service in their communities.
    • Michelle Obama, the 44th First Lady of the United States, explains that she considers her daughters to be her first priority, even if this stance rankles those who would have her do more in seeking broader political and cultural change. In making sure her own children were receiving the most nutritious food possible, she began to advocate for better nutrition through the national initiative Let’s Move!. Her policies have won national acclaim.
    • Julie Foudy is a soccer champion who, in 1991 as a member of the U.S. national team, won the first Women’s World Cup. She was also part of the iconic U.S. soccer team that garnered Olympic gold in 1996 and again in 2004. She has since led an array of organizations that promote athletics for young people, empower young women, and advocate for social causes. Foudy’s success is an outgrowth of her ability to fuse all the important parts of her life — her soccer teams, her family, and her advocacy for worthy causes.
    • While it may seem counterintuitive to think of a rock and roll hero as an exemplary leader,Bruce Springsteen has said that he creates music “to make people happy, feel less lonely, but also [to be] a conduit for a dialogue about the events of the day, the issues that impact people’s lives, personal and social and political and religious.” With his hard-won clarity of purpose, derived from years of painful self-scrutiny, it follows naturally that he makes clear what he expects from the people around him, whether they’re members of his band or members of his family — he’s called “The Boss” for a reason.
Lest you think that their success derives just from great luck, think again. Not one of them was born into a life of high privilege. They have strived to achieve their own kind of greatness and, one way or another, to make themselves into who they are now. Each has suffered disappointment (half of them are on second marriages), frustration, doubt, and loss.
But in each of their stories I found naturally occurring illustrations of people who did great things by discovering — usually through trial and error — ways to integrate the different parts of their lives to reinforce and enhance each other. They show how accomplishment in a career is achievable not at the expense of the rest of your life, but because of commitments at home, in the community, and to your interior life.
Each has identified a life’s work that is important to them, and each both draws on and gives back to their families and communities in order to make that life’s work succeed. They exemplify how one can cultivate a life in which values, actions, social contribution, and personal growth exist in harmony. It’s a life in which disparate pieces fall into place, not every single day — that’s the impossible myth of “work/life balance” — but over the course of a lifetime.
Yes, these six people are extraordinary – but they use skills that all of us can use to make ourselves a bit more extraordinary, too.
Start by considering three principles: be real, be whole, and be innovative. To be real is to act with authenticity by clarifying what’s important to you. To be whole is to act with integrity by recognizing how the different parts of your life (work, home, community, self) affect one another. All this examination allows you to be innovative. You act with creativity by experimenting with how things get done in ways that are good for you and for the people around you.
Doing this means thinking and talking about what truly inspires you, whatever that might be. It requires figuring out how to take incremental steps that are under your control and that move you in the direction you want to go, while bringing others along with you. It’s not easy (and I never said it was). But like these six people, you can attain significant achievement in a way that fits who you are. As these leaders show, your own way is the only way that will work for you.
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Stewart D. Friedman is the Practice Professor of Management at the Wharton School. The former head of Ford Motor's Leadership Development Center, he is the author of Leading the Life You Want: Skills for Integrating Work and LifeBaby Bust: New Choices for Men and Women in Work and Family, and Total Leadership: Be a Better Leader, Have a Richer Life. Find him on Twitter @StewFriedman.