9 Qualities Of Truly Confident People

• DHARMESH SHAH, LINKEDIN

• OCT. 19, 2013, 2:15 PM

First things first: Confidence is not bravado, or swagger, or an overt pretense of bravery. Confidence is not some bold or brash air of self-belief directed at others.

Confidence is quiet: It’s a natural expression of ability, expertise, and self-regard.

I’m fortunate to know a number of truly confident people. Many work with me at HubSpot, others are fellow founders of their own startups some of whom I've met through my angel investment activity. But the majority are people I’ve met through my career and who work in a variety of industries and professions.

It comes as no surprise they all share a number of qualities:

1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong.

Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They know they’re right — and they want (actually they need) you to know it too.

Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully.

Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously.

Truly confident people often admit they’re wrong or don’t have all the answers; intellectual bullies never do.

2. They listen 10 times more than they speak.

Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think.

So they ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do it, what you like about it, what you learned from it… and what they should do if they find themselves in a similar situation.

Truly confident people realize they know a lot, but they wish they knew more… and they know the only way to learn more is to listen more.

3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.

Perhaps it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps they really did overcome the major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a collection of disparate individuals into an incredibly high performance team.

Truly confident people don’t care – at least they don’t show it. (Inside they’re proud, as well they should be.) Truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved.

They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.

So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They stand back and let others shine – a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.

4. They freely ask for help.

Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness; implicit in the request is a lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.

Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So they often ask others for help, not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help but also because they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment.

Saying, “Can you help me?” shows tremendous respect for that individual’s expertise and judgment. Otherwise you wouldn't ask.

5. They think, “Why not me?”

Many people feel they have to wait: To be promoted, to be hired, to be selected, to be chosen... like the old Hollywood cliché, to somehow be discovered.

Truly confident people know that access is almost universal. They can connect with almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know knows someone you should know.) They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products, build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path — they can choose to follow whatever course they wish.

And very quietly, without calling attention to themselves, they go out and do it.

6. They don't put down other people.

Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look better.

The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday — and to the person she hopes to someday become.

7. They aren’t afraid to look silly…

Running around in your underwear is certainly taking it to extremes… but when you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally being in a situation where you aren't at your best.

(And oddly enough, people tend to respect you more when you do — not less.)

8. … And they own their mistakes.

Insecurity tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds sincerity and honesty.

That’s why truly confident people admit their mistakes. They dine out on their screw-ups. They don’t mind serving as a cautionary tale. They don’t mind being a source of laughter — for others and for themselves.

When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally “looking bad.” You realize that that when you’re genuine and unpretentious, people don’t laugh at you.

They laugh with you.

9. They only seek approval from the people who really matter.

You say you have 10,000 Twitter followers? Swell. 20,000 Facebook friends? Cool. A professional and social network of hundreds or even thousands? That’s great.

But that also pales in comparison to earning the trust and respect of the few people in your life that truly matter.

When we earn their trust and respect, no matter where we go or what we try, we do it with true confidence — because we know the people who truly matter the most are truly behind us.

The Dangers of Denial

by Ron Ashkenas  |   12:00 PM October 29, 2013

Great leaders tell it like it is. In other words, they focus on reality, no matter how painful or unpleasant it might be, and then figure out what to do about it. In contrast, less effective leaders sometimes avoid hard truths, argue with the data, and delay tough decisions.

While it’s easy to be critical of leaders who can’t face the facts, the truth is that most of us engage in denial at one time or another, usually without even knowing it. As human beings, it’s one of themost common defense mechanisms that we use to cope with difficult situations. It’s the first of Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ now-famous five stages of grief, in which she observed that many people react to news of their terminal illness by denying anything is wrong with them. This is an extreme case, of course, but lots of business situations trigger denial as well. Here are two quick examples:

A large natural resources company acquired a smaller competitor and announced that it would be closing a number of low-producing mines within a year. Six months later the corporate HR manager visited these mines to help with the transition and was surprised to learn that the planning hadn’t even begun. When he questioned the mine leadership team he was told, “We’ve heard this story before but we produce too much ore for the company to really shut us down.”

The executive team of a pharmaceutical company knew well in advance that it was facing the loss of patent exclusivity for a particular drug, which would significantly reduce sales revenue in the coming year. Despite not having sufficient new products to replace these losses, the team delayed making commensurate cost reductions, with each manager saying that their people were indispensable.

There are many stories like these at all levels of organizations. Just the other day, I was talking with a twenty-five year old financial analyst who told me that she is looking for another job because the products in her division are becoming commoditized and will probably be sold off or eliminated. When I asked her how her colleagues were reacting to this she said, “They don’t believe it can happen to them so most of them aren’t doing anything.”

This brings up an important point about denial: It’s easier to see in others than in yourself. This means that coping with it usually needs to be a team effort. Even the most open and honest of managers sometimes engage in “wishful hearing” and interpret things the way they want them to be, instead of how they really are. That’s why really good managers value subordinates and colleagues who are not afraid to bring them bad news, tell them the truth, and help them peel away their own unconscious avoidance mechanisms.

Given these subtle psychological dynamics, here are two principles to keep in mind for dealing with denial in your own career and your work with colleagues:

Don’t assume that everyone sees the world through the same lens as you. Facts and data are usually open to interpretation, and people have different underlying criteria for how they analyze them. We all emphasize some things and discount others, based on past experiences, personality, and tolerance for discomfort. That’s why the financial analyst saw what she thought was the “writing on the wall” about her division’s future, while others in the group saw a different story.

Get tough subjects out in the open. Because of these different interpretations, find ways to facilitate and encourage dialogue, particularly when complex issues are on the table. While denial can still occur, it is less likely when teams are able to look at the situation from multiple angles, challenge underlying assumptions, and eventually get a better picture of what’s really going on. So while it’s true that great leaders usually don’t get trapped in the denial of hard realities, it’s often because they get a lot of help from their teams.

So yes, denial is alive and well in most organizations, which leads to delayed or inappropriate decisions, inaccurate or misleading communications, and a host of other dysfunctional outcomes. But it’s important to remember that it’s a natural human reaction to anxiety-provoking situations, which is why it’s important for teams to help each other see the truth.

More blog posts by Ron Ashkenas

More on: Leadership, Managing people, Organizational culture

RON ASHKENAS

Ron Ashkenas is a managing partner of Schaffer Consulting. He is a co-author of The GE Work-Out and The Boundaryless Organization. His latest book is Simply Effective.

How Apple, Google and the White House Hold More Productive Meetings (And You Can, Too)

Kevan Lee, July 29 2014


Science-backed methods you can use

If you have ever wanted to pop an escape hatch or teleport to distant worlds just to get out of a meeting, take heart.

Forward-thinking companies have found creative ways to get their teams together, and their lessons and structure can be easily duplicated in meetings anywhere. These creative methods aren’t just clever for cleverness’s sake: Most of them are science-backed and all of them are grounded in successful experience.There are ways to hold a better meeting.

With just a handful of hacks, meetings can be speedier, more productive, and more enjoyable for everyone involved. Here are 9 outside-the-box ideas—and the science and success behind them—that you can discuss … at your next meeting, I guess.

5 research-backed ways to hold a more productive

 meeting

1. Keep meetings to 15 minutes

What’s your record for longest meeting?

Can anyone beat my four-hour marathon? (I bet many of you can!)

When it comes to meeting pain points, length often tops the list. How is it that meetings tend to go on so long, sometimes (OK, many times) unnecessarily? Here’s an old project management adage that might explain it:

Work expands to the time you schedule for it.

For this reason, you may want to keep meetings to 15 minutes or shorter, whenever possible. Yahoo’s Marissa Mayer will schedule 10-minute meetings, out of necessity for her busy schedule. The team at Percolate sets 15 minutes as the default length for all meetings, adjusting up or down as needed. Percolate values the 15-minute default so highly, they framed it in their set of six meeting rules.

Why might it seem like 15 minutes is an ideal starting point for meeting length? For one, it’s easy to schedule in an Outlook calendar or Google calendar. Though the default in most calendar apps is 30 minutes, you can quite easily adjust down to 15-minute increments as that’s how most schedule grids are created.

For the science behind the 15-minute rule, you need look no further than a TED talk. Each TED talk is kept to 18 minutes or shorter, the same time as a coffee break and a helpful constraint for presenters to organize their thoughts. Scientifically, 18 minutes fits right in with the research on attention spans: 10 to 18 minutes is how long most people can pay attention before checking out.

The 18-minute max has physiological roots. Our bodies require a large amount of glucose, oxygen, and blood flow when the brain processes new information. Sooner or later, we feel physically fatigued.

2. Set a timer—yep, a real timer

Here’s a helpful follow-up to the 15-minute rule. How keep yourself accountable to a set meeting length? Why not set a timer.

That’s the way that 37 Signals recommends. The company that built Basecamp is quite rigid about meetings. Their first instinct is to avoid meetings altogether. When they’re unavoidable, though, 37 Signals defaults to a set of meeting rules;turning on a timer is Rule No. 1.

Set a 30 minute timer. When it rings, meeting’s over. Period.

The psychological effect of the timer can be traced to the creative burst brought forth by limitations and constraints and deadlines. Many amazing artists—like Austin Kleon and Damien Correll—use constraints to fuel their ideas and creations. The countdown of a timer might do the same for your meeting (and it will at least get you out of there in time for lunch).

3. Take the chairs away

The “stand-up meeting” has come to mean more than just a meeting where everyone stands up. It refers to a daily team meeting where team members receive status updates on the latest happenings. We have stand-up meetings at Buffer, and since we’re a distributed a team that connects online, our stand-ups don’t necessarily mean we all stand up (although some of us could be standing, I guess!).

Still, the name for the stand-up meeting did originate from standing. The thinking goes: The longer you stand, the more uncomfortable you’ll get. The more uncomfortable everyone gets, the quicker the meeting will go.

Benefits of standing up extend beyond expediency, too. Andrew Knight and Markus Baer of Washington University conducted a study on stand-up meetings versus sit-down meetings, rating the ability of participants to work together, share ideas, and produce quality work. They measured these different elements using surveys, observation, and physiological sensors.

The results: Standing up leads to greater excitement about the creative process and it allows for greater collaboration on ideas.

4. No laptops for note taking

Do you take notes during meetings? If so, hand-written notes are the way to go.

A study by Pam Mueller and Daniel Oppenheimer looked at the note-taking habits of college students from Princeton and UCLA. Students watched a 15-minuted TED talk video, taking notes along the way. Researchers compared those who took notes by hand and those who took notes on a laptop and found that while the factual recall of knowledge was similar, the conceptual recall had a clear winner. Those who took notes by hand did significantly better on understanding concepts.

Beyond a better understanding of concepts, a no-laptop rule should help with focus and attention, which is why many companies have taken that route. Speaking of banned electronics …

5. Create a coat check for cell phones

In a fast, efficient meeting, there should be no time to check cell phones, and just in case, many companies take the added step of asking employees to leave their phones at the door. Even the White House is in on the act. In Cabinet meetings, attendees are asked to write their name on sticky notes, place them on their phones, and deposit their phones in a basket.

The reasons for creating a no-cell-phone zone might seem obvious (games and texts would figure to detract from focus), and there has been research, too, into the detriment of cell phones in meetings. The Marshall School of Business conducted a survey of over 500 professionals and found that cell phone use is almost always frowned upon by your coworkers:

• 86% think it’s inappropriate to answer phone calls during meetings
• 84% think it’s inappropriate to write texts or emails during meetings
• 75% think it’s inappropriate to read texts or emails during meetings

4 meeting tips from Google, Apple, and others

1. Keep your meetings to 10 attendees or fewer

The 10-person rule at Google, as mentioned in Kristin Gill’s book Think Like Google, is based on a fast-moving, startup culture where work time is precious for each employee. The leaner the invite list, the more time it leaves for the uninvited to forge ahead with other work.

As Gill writes: “Attending meetings is not a badge of honor.”

2. Establish a D.R.I.

Steve Jobs and Apple found their most effective way to end a meeting was to assign responsibility for tasks and decisions.Every task is assigned a D.R.I.—Directly Responsible Individual. Doing so provides public accountability for an individual to ensure that the project or task got done, and it sends clear, organized instructions for the team to follow.

3. Pause for a two-minute silence break

Seems counterintuitive to plan silence into a meeting, doesn’t it? Alexander Kjerulf, author of Happy Hour Is 9 to 5, has found silence to be an ideal way to encourage deep thinking and ideas, right in the midst of a meeting.

The purpose of meetings is not to talk – the purpose of meetings is to arrive at ideas, solutions, plans and decisions.

Since few of us can think deeply while we’re talking, the two-minute silence break gives a chance to mull over a decision, issue, or stalemate.

4. In 5 words or fewer, what’s this meeting about?

American Express vice president Christopher Frank recommends a constraint on the way you think about meetings. At the start of every meeting, ask yourself:

“What exactly are we meeting about?”

Everyone at the meeting gets to answer the question. They can only use five words or fewer in their answer.

This will show you if everyone is on the same page or not and if your meeting topic is focused enough. Are the answers inconsistent or too long? Refocus the meeting and try again.

33 War Strategies That Will Help You Win In Business

• By  RICHARD FELONI
 
•  BUSINESS INSIDER

•      AUG. 14, 2014, 10:43 AM
• 
  

You may not realize it, but every day you enter the office you step into a minefield of personal politics at a company facing fierce competitors.

In Robert Greene's "The 33 Strategies of War," the renowned author analyzes the tactics of history's greatest military leaders and presents their strategies in a way that professionals can use. These time-tested techniques can prove useful if you're a professional looking to rise up the corporate ladder, a manager looking to get the best from your team, or an entrepreneur looking to break into an industry.

We've summarized Greene's 33 war strategies below:

Self-Directed Warfare

Before you can defeat your enemy, you need to gain control over yourself.

1. Declare war on your enemies.

On the path to success, many people will hide their true intentions and pretend to be on your side. Determine who and what you stand against or compete with and use them to motivate you.

2. Do not fight the last war.

Learn from failures, but do not let them weigh you down; cherish your victories, but do not let them make you complacent.

3. Amidst the turmoil of events, do not lose your presence of mind.

Unexpected challenges and setbacks will tempt you to respond with anger or anxiety, which will only create more difficulties for yourself. Learn to refrain from imposing your emotions onto reality and see things objectively so that you can react with a calm mind.

4. Create a sense of urgency and desperation.

Even if you are optimistic, aspirational, and self-confident, you will never become successful if you do not have something compelling you to action. Create deadlines for concrete goals to push yourself forward.

Organizational (Team) Warfare

Your best ideas will never amount to anything if you cannot lead a team to help make them a reality.

5. Avoid the snares of groupthink.

Your team will not follow you if you make your collective mission centered on yourself, but it is also dangerous to give in to chaotic collective decision making. Warrant respect by enforcing your commands, but also reward your team for their victories.

6. Segment your forces.

Avoid micromanaging, which can frustrate your team members and slow everyone down. Instead, create independent groups that can accomplish tasks on their own.

7. Transform your war into a crusade.

The way to keep people motivated is to align their personal interests with those of the group. Determine a worthy cause that everyone will want to fight for.

Defensive Warfare

It is important to know which battles are worth fighting, and which ones are worth avoiding or retreating from. Then you will be ready for any necessary counterattack once your enemy has exhausted itself.

8. Pick your battles carefully.

You will not always have the time, energy, or resources to take your competition head on. It's necessary to keep the long term in mind.

9. Turn the tables.

Sometimes it is best to let your opponents make the first move. Wait for them to make a poor decision out of impatience and then move in to bring them down.

10. Create a threatening presence.

Keep opponents from engaging you directly by avoiding as many battles as possible, but being impressive in the battles you do fight.

11. Trade space for time.

If an aggressor attacks you in a fit of rashness, it may be best to refuse to fight, even if they cause damage. This refusal will infuriate them and cause them to make mistakes.

Offensive Warfare

There are other times when, after careful planning, it is best to surprise and overwhelm your enemy.

12. Lose battles but win the war.

People will inevitably get the best of you at times. Keep a cool head and stay focused on large, long-term goals and let your opponents enjoy small victories.

13. Know your enemy.

Pay less attention to the entire team of your competition and instead study its leader. Avoid projecting your beliefs onto that person, instead observing how he or she thinks and behaves.

14. Overwhelm resistance with speed and suddenness.

Take the time to prepare a thorough offensive, and then catch your opponent off guard. Strike again before they have a chance to react.

15. Control the dynamic.

The best way to manipulate your opponents' emotions is to define the nature of your relationship. If they are especially arrogant, give them the impression that they are the one in control.

16. Hit them where it hurts.

Every successful person or entity has a source of power, whether it's money, popularity, or a winning strategy. Find a way to undermine your opponents' livelihood and strike them with all you've got.

17. Defeat them in detail.

When someone or something imposing is taken as a whole, fear and uncertainty can set in. Instead, break down your challenger or challenge into smaller, more easily defeated parts.

18. Expose and attack your opponent's soft flank.

Distract your competition's attention by attacking them from the front, and then take them on where they're weakest.

19. Envelop the enemy.

When you are ready to take down an opponent, keep pressure on them from all sides so that they are forced to focus their attention on you as they grow increasingly worried.

20. Maneuver them into weakness.

Create a dilemma for your enemy, in which the only way they can respond to your move is with a decision that will hurt them in some way.

21. Negotiate while advancing.

Never forget that in a negotiation, the other side is trying to take as much as possible from you that they could not get from direct confrontation. Before and during negotiations, keep your agenda moving forward so that your opponent plays on your terms.

22. Know how to end things.

When you engage in battle, you are putting your reputation at stake. Never put yourself in a situation that you cannot remove yourself from, and when victorious, don't belittle your opponent to the point that you create a bitter enemy that could strike back in the future.

Unconventional (Dirty) Warfare

You will need to use unorthodox strategies to take down a formidable foe. You may even resort to slippery and devious tactics to gain the upper hand.

23. Weave a seamless blend of fact and fiction.

Create a trap for your opponents by playing to their expectations, causing them to lower their guard as they fool themselves.

24. Take the line of least expectation.

Doing something extraordinary against an enemy will only have an effect if they took you to be unassuming and ordinary.

25. Occupy the moral high ground.

You can weaken your opponents' support base by making them appear sinister, even if they are not. Tie your goals to worthy causes so that the public will want to further your agenda.

26. Deny them targets.

Keep the competition from engaging you with all their might by staying innovative and unpredictable, which will keep them afraid and frustrated.

27. Seem to work for the interests of others while furthering your own.

Develop a network of alliances in which you treat your allies well, but slyly keep them in a subordinate position.

28. Give your rivals enough rope to hang themselves.

When you are dealing with someone who you know is quietly scheming to destroy you, refrain from attacking them. Rather, share with them just enough information that plants a seed of doubt and insecurity and watch them self-destruct.

29. Take small bites.

If you reveal the totality of your grand ambitions, people will come to resent you. Rise through the corporate hierarchy or business world steadily but without fanfare.

30. Penetrate their minds.

If you want to influence people, it is best to avoid being preachy or overly personal, and instead saying things in a way that gets people to reach your conclusion on their own.

31. Destroy from within.

If you are going up against an opponent that you would never be able to defeat by engaging directly, it may be worth befriending them as a first move. Then recruit their power players to your side, or find ways to sow dissent.

32. Dominate while seeming to submit.

You will not be able to get people to do their best work for you through aggression. Smile and be pleasant as you get them to do your bidding.

33. Sow uncertainty and panic through acts of terror.

The best way to approach a battle with a giant opponent is to dramatize a move in such a way that it terrifies the opposition, convincing them that you are much stronger than you actually are.

SEE ALSO:  7 Management Strategies From Some Of History's Greatest Generals